The Project Called Me

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection. In the past it seems I’ve repeated my mistakes over and over again, causing this pattern of unhealthy behavior. I like to think I’ve grown a little, and I’m breaking patterns. In doing so, I’ve found that I have a lot of time to sit back and think about the things that I want out of life. This can be really hard on me, being such an overachiever. I know exactly what I want, but it’s not something I can just go to the store and buy. It’s not something I can say, well if I work really hard at work, and if I’m super tidy and clean, and if I do my very best, it will happen. I have absolutely no control over the situation. All I can do is sit back and say, I’m going to live my life, and hopefully the things I want will fall into place. Easier said than done, but I think I’m taking the baby steps. I’m amazed at my restraint, because there is still a part of me that wants to collapse into tears and worry and fret because I don’t know what is going on, and I can’t plan it all out. In the words of my dear bf, I need to just, “play it by ear.” This lesson of patience has been the hardest lesson of my adult life. My approach right now when I get restless is to go running. So if nothing else, I’ll get some killer legs while I wait.

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